Loving-Kindness (Metta) Meditation: A Step-by-Step Guide

Metta is a Pali word usually translated as loving-kindness or goodwill. In practice, you sit quietly and silently repeat wishes for wellbeing, such as "may you be safe", starting with yourself or someone easy to care about and widening outward until you include everyone. Set aside ten minutes, find a seat, and follow the steps below. There is a full session to try near the end.

What metta is, and where it comes from

Metta comes from the Theravada tradition, the school of Buddhism that preserves the Pali Canon. It is one of four qualities called the brahmaviharas, often rendered "divine abodes" or "sublime attitudes". The other three are compassion (karuna), sympathetic joy and equanimity.

The best-known early source is the Karaniya Metta Sutta, found in the Pali Canon at Sn 1.8 (the Sutta Nipata, part of the Khuddaka Nikaya). It is short, and it is the root text many teachers point to when they teach this practice.

Two honest notes before we go on. First, the sutta describes an attitude of goodwill. It does not lay out a staged meditation script. Second, the familiar phrases ("may I be happy, may I be safe") are teacher formulations that came later, not words from the sutta. What follows is a Theravada-rooted practice as taught by contemporary teachers.

What the sutta actually says

Reading the sutta in the Piyadassi Thera and Amaravati Sangha translations on Access to Insight, three things stand out. The wording below is a paraphrase, not a quotation.

• The image of a mother and her only child. The text compares the ideal attitude to the way a mother protects her only child, even at risk to herself. The point is a goodwill that is wholehearted, not lukewarm.
• All beings, without exception. The wish is meant to extend to every living being, near or far, seen or unseen, large or small.
• Any posture. The sutta says to keep this mindfulness of goodwill whether standing, walking, sitting or lying down. The sitting practice is a training ground, but the aim is an attitude you carry through your day.

The sutta itself does not tell you to begin with yourself, then a friend, then a stranger. That ordering came later.

Why teachers use an order, and why it varies

Teachers commonly arrange metta as a sequence of people: oneself, someone dear, a neutral person, a difficult person, then all beings. This staged method is generally associated with the fifth-century commentator Buddhaghosa and his Visuddhimagga (ch. IX), which starts with oneself and ends with an enemy, and you will not find it in the sutta text.

Modern teachers do not agree on where to begin, which tells you the order is a choice, not a rule. Lion's Roar teaches the sequence as self, someone you love, a neutral person, a difficult person, then all beings. Jack Kornfield begins with a loved one, then yourself, then a neutral person, a difficult person and all beings. Both are contemporary adaptations. Pick the starting point that feels most workable to you today.

The step-by-step practice

1. Settle. Sit in a way you can hold comfortably for ten minutes: upright but not rigid, hands resting, eyes closed or softly lowered. Take a few slow breaths.
2. Begin with someone you can wish well easily. Many people begin with themselves (as in the Lion's Roar order). If that feels awkward or flat, begin with someone you love, as Kornfield does. Repeat your phrases slowly.
3. Add the other one. Whichever you skipped, come to it now. Keep the pace unhurried; each phrase can take a full breath.
4. A neutral person. Think of someone you see but do not know well: a neighbour, a cashier, someone at the bus stop. Offer the same wishes. This step shows how arbitrary the line between "mine" and "not mine" can be.
5. A difficult person (optional, and later). Only when you are settled in the earlier steps, bring to mind someone with whom you have mild friction. Lion's Roar cautions against starting with someone very difficult, and that is sound advice. Wishing someone well does not mean approving of what they did; Kornfield is explicit that you are not condoning harmful behaviour. If it feels like too much, skip this step. It is not required.
6. All beings. Let the circle widen: your street, your city, everyone, every creature, in every direction.

Choosing your phrases

Phrases give the mind something to hold. One common formulation, adapted from contemporary teachers, runs like this:

• May you be happy.
• May you be safe.
• May you be healthy.
• May you live with ease.

Adapt them freely. Use fewer, or different words, whatever sounds sincere when you say it silently. "May you be free from suffering" and "May you be at peace" are common variations. If a phrase feels like a slogan, change it. A phrase you mean quietly is worth more than a long list you do not.

When it feels forced, or nothing comes

This is normal, and it is not a sign you are doing it wrong. Metta is a practice of intention, not a promise of a particular feeling. Some days you will feel warmth. Many days you will feel little, or boredom, or even irritation, and you can simply repeat the phrases anyway.

A few things help:

• Go back a step. If a difficult person stirs up resistance, return to someone easy and stay there for the rest of the session.
• Slow down. Say one phrase per breath and let a gap follow.
• Use an image. Picture the person's face, or a moment you saw them smile.
• Soften the wish. "May you be okay" is still a sincere wish.

Do not judge the session by how it felt. Showing up and offering the wishes is the practice.

Practice: a 10-minute session

Try this today. You need a chair or cushion and a timer.

1. Minute 0-1: settle. Sit, breathe, and set an intention: "For these ten minutes I will wish people well."
2. Minutes 1-3: yourself. Silently repeat "May I be happy, may I be safe, may I be healthy, may I live with ease." If this feels hard, picture someone you love instead and wish them well.
3. Minutes 3-5: a loved one. Bring a person or pet to mind and repeat the phrases for them: "May you be happy..."
4. Minutes 5-6: a neutral person. Choose someone you barely know and offer the same wishes.
5. Minutes 6-8 (optional): someone mildly difficult. Keep it light. If it feels heavy, return to your loved one.
6. Minutes 8-10: all beings. Widen the circle. "May all beings be happy, may all beings be safe..." Let the phrases slow down.
7. Close. Take one breath, open your eyes, and notice how you feel. No grading, just noticing.

After your session, spend a minute naming who your wishes were for. Rejoy's dedication feature lets you record a short dedication, by voice or text, right after you finish, so the sit ends with a purpose rather than just a timer. Rejoy is a practice-support app: it does not teach or guide metta, it simply gives you a place to close the practice and look back on it. If you want to read more on the idea, see our guide to dedication of merit.

Common questions

Do I have to start with myself? No. Teachers differ. Lion's Roar starts with yourself; Jack Kornfield starts with a loved one. Choose what is workable for you, and come back to the other later.

Is a difficult person required? No. It is an optional later step. If it stirs up too much, leave it out and spend the time on people you find easier.

How long should I practice? Ten minutes is a reasonable start. Short and regular is usually easier to keep than long and occasional, and you can lengthen it when you want to.

Is this the same as compassion? Related, but not identical. In the Theravada list of four brahmaviharas, loving-kindness wishes happiness for others, while compassion (karuna) is the wish that others be free from suffering. The same four qualities are known in Mahayana and Tibetan teaching as the four immeasurables, where they sit alongside other practices that are not covered here.

New to sitting practice? Start with how to meditate for beginners, see how intention shapes action in what karma means in Buddhism, or browse our meditation articles.

Sources

• Karaniya Metta Sutta (Sn 1.8), tr. Piyadassi Thera, Access to Insight.
• Karaniya Metta Sutta (Sn 1.8), tr. The Amaravati Sangha, Access to Insight.
• Buddhaghosa, Visuddhimagga ch. IX (Nanamoli tr., excerpt), Access to Insight.
• Lion's Roar, "Metta Meditation: A Complete Guide to Loving-Kindness".
• Jack Kornfield, "Lovingkindness Meditation Guide".